Reid Garwin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
letsdropin) wrote2010-01-07 04:00 pm
letsdropin) wrote2010-01-07 04:00 pm
just_muse_me 26.1.4.
"The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken." - Samuel Johnson
They'd finished the practical earlier than expected; Reid shrugged and headed to the dorm, might as well catch a nap before the lecture in the afternoon. Or something. Tyler had solid blocks all day today, and then something in the evening, study group, whatever. Semester was gearing up towards the last run, anyway. The other two had more gappy schedule yet, he'd deal with that. He'd probably manage to flop in his and Tyler's room and leave them be, at any rate. Wasn't in the mood to deal with Caleb's typical mild disapproval, at any rate, not even so much as to give him shit.
Yes, he knew that was what he kept on doing. Despite Pogue's exasperated looks, the reassurances. When things got taut, he still did that. And would. Until the oldest boy somehow got it out of his head that Reid was a hopeless troublemaker with nothing to him than needing to be slapped into behaving.
Yeah, like that's gonna happen soon.
Except, the first thing he saw when he came in the apartment the four of them shared was nothing he ever expected to find.
Caleb was sitting on the floor in the hallway, right by the door to his and Pogue's room, as though he had slid down the wall. Elbows planted onto his knees and head pressing into the crook on the inside of his arms - from what Reid could see, his fingers were digging into his palms so badly it was a surprise he wasn't drawing blood.
Shit. What the--
His books bag dropped on the floor and he only made sure the door was locked, before he crossed the distance and crouched beside his friend. "Hey, what's the matter? Caleb?"
The oldest boy seemed to react more to the hand on his shoulder than to the voice; he looked sideways, face tight and jaw clenched, then just shook his head.
"You okay? What's the matter, man? Shall I call Pogue?"
"No..." His voice was way raspier than it usually sounded, but the next breath seemed to clarify it a little, a slight softening around the corners of his mouth the only faint reminder of how his face could brighten at the mere mention of the older blond. "No. He'll be back soon enough." He seemed to gasp after the long speech, but shook his head again. "It's... I'm fine."
"Yeah, right. What is it?"
"Just. Trying not to..."
Reid was listening, but his eyes also flashed briefly as he used to call up a water bottle from the kitchen, sending it hurtling through the air towards his hand, drinking water might help, he thought. His attention snapped back to Caleb as the worlds trailed off and there was his shift under his other hand.
He did not expect to see the brown of his eyes drowned in darkness, the oldest boy all powered up. The tension seemed to melt like butter on a heated pan as he straightened up, relaxed, obviously enjoying this. Reid blinked.
Caleb, the one who always makes sure we don't overdo it, what with how his dad was... huh?
"Caleb?"
Then kind of stood up together, the brunet's motions easy, joyful almost. "It's okay. I'm okay now."
"Yeah. Right. Caleb--" But his voice trailed off as the room's door creaked open and Caleb's coat and wallet flew out of the room, called by his Power. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Oh, here and there. Come on, let's go right some wrongs!"
"No.. nonono. Hey. Have you suddenly gone crazy? It's you who have told me, all of us, a million times - it's addictive. Cut it out. Let's talk about it!"
Caleb smiled and stepped towards the door, pocketing the wallet (stupid cards, everywhere now required fucking cards, he was aware enough to not go out of the rooms without them, why the hell wasn't he listening?) and shrugging the jacket on.
Reid only blinked for another moment before moving to place himself before him, between the taller boy and the door he'd just come in through (was it just a couple of minutes ago?). "Caleb. You're scaring me, man. Talk to me. Stop this and power down and tell me what's happening. Come on!"
He only got another headshake in return, one arm moving to shove him away, an attempt to be walked around. Reid didn't have enough of a room to make a good punch, his first thought, but could make for a strong slap. And he did. It made Caleb stop and focus on him, startled.
Reid grabbed the front of his shirt and try to shake him - not that even his strength could do that to the larger boy, especially not powered up as he was, but it kept his attention as he growled. "Stop it. And let go. Come on, Caleb!"
To his surprise, Caleb did stop moving and looked at him, eyes wide, then, one, two heartbeats later, the brown eyes cleared, looking wider and even more vulnerable, somehow, than even when they were black, just moments ago. His lip quivered and his body tensed again, but he didn't move, other than his shoulders slumping.
His voice was again raspy, and now Reid could hear pain in it, too. "I'm..."
Behind him, the door opened again, reminding them both that there was a world outside the touch they were having just now. He could hear the change in Pogue's motions, from one step to the next, but he didn't turn. "What happened?"
He was beside them in two steps, eyes taking in the tableau now that he could see both. Reid's eyes flickered between the two; the imprint of his fingers was visible even against Caleb's darker skin, yeah, he's hit him that hard. Pogue's arm went around the oldest boy's shoulders and Reid let go of his clothes as Caleb sagged against his roommate, breathing hard and shaking a little.
"What the hell happened?" He embraced protectively, eyes narrowing. "Reid?"
The younger blond just shook his head, stepping blindly back until his heel touched the door. "I'm sorry." And he was out. Yeah, he'd have to deal with that. Not right now.
***
Reid was outside. It was a spot close to the dorm, but not so close as to be a convenient one for smokers. He liked it; especially at this time of the evening, in this season - it was practically deserted. Gave him a chance to think. Not that he liked what he was thinking. Maybe it just gave him a chance to get away from the rooms. From the odd looks Pogue was giving him (God. How did he mess up with Pogue? Damn). From the way Caleb was through the afternoon and evening - quiet, withdrawn. Not really looking at anybody.
It wasn't like he hadn't lashed at Caleb before, even hurt him or threatened to hurt him. But this was... different. Personal. Or maybe just that he'd hit and known the other boy probably wouldn't strike back at him, and he'd hit hard. Out of habit, when Caleb was turning him down, he'd lashed out at him. (So many years. So many times when the older boy was always telling him how he was doing wrong. How he had to try harder, to do better... and yeah, he knew lashing out at him wasn't the right answer, but it smarted too much, and then it was too late to even ask about clarification or what-the-fuck-ever. It had started slow. By now, it was... a conditional reflex for both, maybe.) This time, though, it wasn't squibbling, it had touched deeper, and it was bad, and it was all Reid's fault.
And he was in trouble.
Fuck.
Which was about how far he'd gotten when he heard steps, and started mentally cursing whoever had decided to bother the deserted expanse. But he wasn't up to dealing with whoever it was. Hopefully, they'd go away. If they... well, he, likely, decided to bother him, he'd deal with that.
"Hi." Caleb's voice, on the other hand, made him spin around and stare.
"I'm sorry, alright? I didn't know what to do, and yeah, I know I hit you hard and I suck, no need to rub it in--" The words were speeding out of his mouth, chasing each other out until Caleb cut in.
"I wasn't going to. Rub it in. You did the right thing."
"...wh--" Reid couldn't even finish the question, out of surprise. And even merely hearing the words took the fight out of his voice.
"You had to get me to listen to you to power down. I wasn't paying attention - you know how the rush is when you haven't been using and you let it in... when it fills you all in..."
"Yeah, I know. Don't think about it too much."
"Right. Good point. Anyway, you thought quickly and got the point across. You did well."
"Oh." Silence stretched between them for a bit. Then Reid cleared his throat and tried again. "Are you okay? What was that?" His voice sounded strange even to his own ears.
"It's..." Caleb sighed and looked down. "Okay, so, um. My dad didn't exactly just... pass away that night."
That was all that came out, and Reid had to blink and think about it. That night. ... wow. The night when Caleb had beaten down somebody with an additional share of the power. So... that meant... he didn't have words to respond with, for a moment, just stared at the other boy.
"It's sometimes hard to just... not use. The pull is..." Caleb shook his head, and Reid got himself to blink. "But you did well, okay? Pogue thought I should tell you," the younger boys snorted softly - of course, it was Pogue's, idea, nothing more, not Caleb, "...but it's still true. I should've thought to let you know on my own. It's just..."
"Yeah. Right. Pat on the head."
"Hey, I could've caused much damage out there! Not to mention how it could've gotten worse. Like you said. It is addictive."
It took a few moments for his tone to penetrate. "You mean that."
Caleb's voice was quiet. Gentle. Like he'd freaking wanted to hear it so many times over the years. "Yes."
Reid's shoulders moved down a little, some of the accustomed belligerence draining out.
"Are you okay?" The older boy's hand rested on his shoulder, it was so warm, or it felt so, even through the layers of clothing. One of Reid's arms unwound from where it had been crossed tightly around the other. Caleb sighed and stepped closer, halfway through the distance between them, tugging him in, a little.
Reid couldn't help it. He burrowed.
The soft voice seemed to come from all around him. "Huh. I've seen you do that..."
Reid muffled a soft, tense giggle against him. After a moment, he did speak, and he wasn't laughing. It wasn't a laughing matter, after all. "I'm sorry, Caleb. There anything to do... besides, obviously, not using around you when it's bad?"
He could feel Caleb's face resting on his hair, hand stroking lightly along his back. "I don't know. It's not often that bad, and it's different every time. I don't know." Small pause. "Distract me? I think that's what Pogue usually does that works."
Reid snorted softly, once again. "My distractions don't always work that way, with you." More like getting him angry, was the norm.
"Well. So long as you..."
"Don't Use."
"Yeah."
Silence. After a bit, Reid shifted his head so he could look at Caleb. "Is it hard now?"
"Still. Yeah."
"Oh." He swallowed, but. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad. Slowly, very softly, he leaned up and kissed those full, dark lips. It was breath, and then he pulled back. Then sighed, and thought, what the hell, and kissed him more decidedly.
After a very brief hesitation, Caleb kissed back. Then... "Well. This is certainly distracting."
"Right." Reid winced at what it apparently meant, and started to pull away.
"No, wait. I didn't mean... Reid!" Caleb's hand cupped his cheek, held him near. Brown eyes glimmered softly in the somewhat distant light as the distance between them closed for another kiss.
It was a short bit later, when they were walking back, that Reid murmured, "you should let Tyler know, too, you know."
"Hmm? ... right. Yeah." He sighed, then nodded. "I'll talk with him."
"Good."
"We need to talk..."
"Prob'ly. Later."
"Okay."
Muse: Reid Garwin
Fandom: The Covenant
Word count: 2 093
A/N: Caleb istheirgoldenboy. Pogue is lieutenantwitch. Tyler is their_babyboy. Takes place late in the first semester of their senior year at Harvard, before the Christmas break. Which places this also shortly before current goings-on as regards confessioncafe.
They'd finished the practical earlier than expected; Reid shrugged and headed to the dorm, might as well catch a nap before the lecture in the afternoon. Or something. Tyler had solid blocks all day today, and then something in the evening, study group, whatever. Semester was gearing up towards the last run, anyway. The other two had more gappy schedule yet, he'd deal with that. He'd probably manage to flop in his and Tyler's room and leave them be, at any rate. Wasn't in the mood to deal with Caleb's typical mild disapproval, at any rate, not even so much as to give him shit.
Yes, he knew that was what he kept on doing. Despite Pogue's exasperated looks, the reassurances. When things got taut, he still did that. And would. Until the oldest boy somehow got it out of his head that Reid was a hopeless troublemaker with nothing to him than needing to be slapped into behaving.
Yeah, like that's gonna happen soon.
Except, the first thing he saw when he came in the apartment the four of them shared was nothing he ever expected to find.
Caleb was sitting on the floor in the hallway, right by the door to his and Pogue's room, as though he had slid down the wall. Elbows planted onto his knees and head pressing into the crook on the inside of his arms - from what Reid could see, his fingers were digging into his palms so badly it was a surprise he wasn't drawing blood.
Shit. What the--
His books bag dropped on the floor and he only made sure the door was locked, before he crossed the distance and crouched beside his friend. "Hey, what's the matter? Caleb?"
The oldest boy seemed to react more to the hand on his shoulder than to the voice; he looked sideways, face tight and jaw clenched, then just shook his head.
"You okay? What's the matter, man? Shall I call Pogue?"
"No..." His voice was way raspier than it usually sounded, but the next breath seemed to clarify it a little, a slight softening around the corners of his mouth the only faint reminder of how his face could brighten at the mere mention of the older blond. "No. He'll be back soon enough." He seemed to gasp after the long speech, but shook his head again. "It's... I'm fine."
"Yeah, right. What is it?"
"Just. Trying not to..."
Reid was listening, but his eyes also flashed briefly as he used to call up a water bottle from the kitchen, sending it hurtling through the air towards his hand, drinking water might help, he thought. His attention snapped back to Caleb as the worlds trailed off and there was his shift under his other hand.
He did not expect to see the brown of his eyes drowned in darkness, the oldest boy all powered up. The tension seemed to melt like butter on a heated pan as he straightened up, relaxed, obviously enjoying this. Reid blinked.
Caleb, the one who always makes sure we don't overdo it, what with how his dad was... huh?
"Caleb?"
Then kind of stood up together, the brunet's motions easy, joyful almost. "It's okay. I'm okay now."
"Yeah. Right. Caleb--" But his voice trailed off as the room's door creaked open and Caleb's coat and wallet flew out of the room, called by his Power. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Oh, here and there. Come on, let's go right some wrongs!"
"No.. nonono. Hey. Have you suddenly gone crazy? It's you who have told me, all of us, a million times - it's addictive. Cut it out. Let's talk about it!"
Caleb smiled and stepped towards the door, pocketing the wallet (stupid cards, everywhere now required fucking cards, he was aware enough to not go out of the rooms without them, why the hell wasn't he listening?) and shrugging the jacket on.
Reid only blinked for another moment before moving to place himself before him, between the taller boy and the door he'd just come in through (was it just a couple of minutes ago?). "Caleb. You're scaring me, man. Talk to me. Stop this and power down and tell me what's happening. Come on!"
He only got another headshake in return, one arm moving to shove him away, an attempt to be walked around. Reid didn't have enough of a room to make a good punch, his first thought, but could make for a strong slap. And he did. It made Caleb stop and focus on him, startled.
Reid grabbed the front of his shirt and try to shake him - not that even his strength could do that to the larger boy, especially not powered up as he was, but it kept his attention as he growled. "Stop it. And let go. Come on, Caleb!"
To his surprise, Caleb did stop moving and looked at him, eyes wide, then, one, two heartbeats later, the brown eyes cleared, looking wider and even more vulnerable, somehow, than even when they were black, just moments ago. His lip quivered and his body tensed again, but he didn't move, other than his shoulders slumping.
His voice was again raspy, and now Reid could hear pain in it, too. "I'm..."
Behind him, the door opened again, reminding them both that there was a world outside the touch they were having just now. He could hear the change in Pogue's motions, from one step to the next, but he didn't turn. "What happened?"
He was beside them in two steps, eyes taking in the tableau now that he could see both. Reid's eyes flickered between the two; the imprint of his fingers was visible even against Caleb's darker skin, yeah, he's hit him that hard. Pogue's arm went around the oldest boy's shoulders and Reid let go of his clothes as Caleb sagged against his roommate, breathing hard and shaking a little.
"What the hell happened?" He embraced protectively, eyes narrowing. "Reid?"
The younger blond just shook his head, stepping blindly back until his heel touched the door. "I'm sorry." And he was out. Yeah, he'd have to deal with that. Not right now.
***
Reid was outside. It was a spot close to the dorm, but not so close as to be a convenient one for smokers. He liked it; especially at this time of the evening, in this season - it was practically deserted. Gave him a chance to think. Not that he liked what he was thinking. Maybe it just gave him a chance to get away from the rooms. From the odd looks Pogue was giving him (God. How did he mess up with Pogue? Damn). From the way Caleb was through the afternoon and evening - quiet, withdrawn. Not really looking at anybody.
It wasn't like he hadn't lashed at Caleb before, even hurt him or threatened to hurt him. But this was... different. Personal. Or maybe just that he'd hit and known the other boy probably wouldn't strike back at him, and he'd hit hard. Out of habit, when Caleb was turning him down, he'd lashed out at him. (So many years. So many times when the older boy was always telling him how he was doing wrong. How he had to try harder, to do better... and yeah, he knew lashing out at him wasn't the right answer, but it smarted too much, and then it was too late to even ask about clarification or what-the-fuck-ever. It had started slow. By now, it was... a conditional reflex for both, maybe.) This time, though, it wasn't squibbling, it had touched deeper, and it was bad, and it was all Reid's fault.
And he was in trouble.
Fuck.
Which was about how far he'd gotten when he heard steps, and started mentally cursing whoever had decided to bother the deserted expanse. But he wasn't up to dealing with whoever it was. Hopefully, they'd go away. If they... well, he, likely, decided to bother him, he'd deal with that.
"Hi." Caleb's voice, on the other hand, made him spin around and stare.
"I'm sorry, alright? I didn't know what to do, and yeah, I know I hit you hard and I suck, no need to rub it in--" The words were speeding out of his mouth, chasing each other out until Caleb cut in.
"I wasn't going to. Rub it in. You did the right thing."
"...wh--" Reid couldn't even finish the question, out of surprise. And even merely hearing the words took the fight out of his voice.
"You had to get me to listen to you to power down. I wasn't paying attention - you know how the rush is when you haven't been using and you let it in... when it fills you all in..."
"Yeah, I know. Don't think about it too much."
"Right. Good point. Anyway, you thought quickly and got the point across. You did well."
"Oh." Silence stretched between them for a bit. Then Reid cleared his throat and tried again. "Are you okay? What was that?" His voice sounded strange even to his own ears.
"It's..." Caleb sighed and looked down. "Okay, so, um. My dad didn't exactly just... pass away that night."
That was all that came out, and Reid had to blink and think about it. That night. ... wow. The night when Caleb had beaten down somebody with an additional share of the power. So... that meant... he didn't have words to respond with, for a moment, just stared at the other boy.
"It's sometimes hard to just... not use. The pull is..." Caleb shook his head, and Reid got himself to blink. "But you did well, okay? Pogue thought I should tell you," the younger boys snorted softly - of course, it was Pogue's, idea, nothing more, not Caleb, "...but it's still true. I should've thought to let you know on my own. It's just..."
"Yeah. Right. Pat on the head."
"Hey, I could've caused much damage out there! Not to mention how it could've gotten worse. Like you said. It is addictive."
It took a few moments for his tone to penetrate. "You mean that."
Caleb's voice was quiet. Gentle. Like he'd freaking wanted to hear it so many times over the years. "Yes."
Reid's shoulders moved down a little, some of the accustomed belligerence draining out.
"Are you okay?" The older boy's hand rested on his shoulder, it was so warm, or it felt so, even through the layers of clothing. One of Reid's arms unwound from where it had been crossed tightly around the other. Caleb sighed and stepped closer, halfway through the distance between them, tugging him in, a little.
Reid couldn't help it. He burrowed.
The soft voice seemed to come from all around him. "Huh. I've seen you do that..."
Reid muffled a soft, tense giggle against him. After a moment, he did speak, and he wasn't laughing. It wasn't a laughing matter, after all. "I'm sorry, Caleb. There anything to do... besides, obviously, not using around you when it's bad?"
He could feel Caleb's face resting on his hair, hand stroking lightly along his back. "I don't know. It's not often that bad, and it's different every time. I don't know." Small pause. "Distract me? I think that's what Pogue usually does that works."
Reid snorted softly, once again. "My distractions don't always work that way, with you." More like getting him angry, was the norm.
"Well. So long as you..."
"Don't Use."
"Yeah."
Silence. After a bit, Reid shifted his head so he could look at Caleb. "Is it hard now?"
"Still. Yeah."
"Oh." He swallowed, but. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad. Slowly, very softly, he leaned up and kissed those full, dark lips. It was breath, and then he pulled back. Then sighed, and thought, what the hell, and kissed him more decidedly.
After a very brief hesitation, Caleb kissed back. Then... "Well. This is certainly distracting."
"Right." Reid winced at what it apparently meant, and started to pull away.
"No, wait. I didn't mean... Reid!" Caleb's hand cupped his cheek, held him near. Brown eyes glimmered softly in the somewhat distant light as the distance between them closed for another kiss.
It was a short bit later, when they were walking back, that Reid murmured, "you should let Tyler know, too, you know."
"Hmm? ... right. Yeah." He sighed, then nodded. "I'll talk with him."
"Good."
"We need to talk..."
"Prob'ly. Later."
"Okay."
Muse: Reid Garwin
Fandom: The Covenant
Word count: 2 093
A/N: Caleb is
theirgoldenboy. Pogue is lieutenantwitch. Tyler is their_babyboy. Takes place late in the first semester of their senior year at Harvard, before the Christmas break. Which places this also shortly before current goings-on as regards confessioncafe.