just_muse_me 27.1.1.

[letsdropin]

"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find." - Anon

Reid was... edgy. And tetchy. And sharp.

Even he knew it; he was pretty certain Tyler and Pogue, and possibly even Caleb, were picking up on it. He'd swing between usually happy-go-lucky to snappy, to back to funny within minutes and for the most absurd of reasons.

Like swinging down for failing to make somebody laugh. Or swinging back because said somebody would randomly, obliviously, look up at him and smile, or give him just a couple of words of reassurance, of understanding, of attention. Of care.

Oh yeah, he was far from stupid enough to fail recognizing it for what it was. Especially in the presence - close proximity, at times - of Pogue and Caleb, who could go as sappy as the best of them, down to and including getting lost inside one another's arms. Or eyes.

And damn if they didn't make it look attractive. And natural.

After all, they'd been dating for more than two years, closer to three, really; they were still the same Pogue and Caleb that he knew. And yet in the inner ways... the ways he'd only come to know so recently? It was different. From the two guys that were seeing each other, but if you didn't squint, you might miss it, with the way Caleb was often as quiet as he was - they amped the intensity until you could practically see the air around them crackle for something as small as a light kiss. It was both discomforting and awesome to be around. Especially where 'around' meant so close as to occasionally be--

Well, never mind that. At any rate, it was possible to see two guys this close (two of them) in a healthy, tight relationship, soaked, drenched, and overflowing with love. And it was difficult to see them, really see them, and not think of that word. It was... fully applicable. And instead of mismatching in some ways - them being too tall, or her being too wide - the word 'love' fit Caleb-and-Pogue like nothing else. After some of that, he couldn't imagine either of them with somebody else... or even alone.

He couldn't imagine, anymore - well, other than the four of them, of course, but that somehow didn't count - at any rate, he couldn't imagine himself and Tyler either alone or with somebody else, either. And that scared him and got him edgy, even more abrasive than usually. Into more trouble.

Into some odd looks that started with Pogue, and then spread oer to Caleb (one way) and Tyler (completely different way).

There was some respite in sex, in any combination they ended up with. As it had been for years, it was a friendly act of... well, many things, including relieving the tension.

That said, he knew that this abandon, the way they were completely lost into each other... It was more. And it was good. And Reid felt, among other things, silly for not seeing it elsewhere, or generally how widespread the signs of that magic were. It was just... well, their love hadn't changed who they had been.

But what he did, first with Pogue and then with Tyler and then with all of them, that wasn't... that. It hadn't been supposed to be that, just fooling around. Right?

And his mood totally had no call swinging down just because he saw Tyler checking out somebody else. Tyler was his friend, his best friend in all the world, and duh, they always checked people out, that's how it'd always been, why the hell--

Well, no. He knew the name of the game. He even didn't bother lying to himself enough to not admit it.

Except it didn't solve anything, it made him even edgier. More irksome, really, obnoxious, to friend and stranger alike. Because every time his thought circled to that, he flinched away at the idea, since being in ... in love with Tyler was a monumentally stupid idea. Just... bad.

Because what he did, every single time, was screw up anything remotely like dating. And, what, almost a decade of stuff ranging from crushes upwards, history said that he also managed to screw up being in love, every single time.

Each time. He'd done something or said something and had exploded, somehow. And she'd jilted him or he'd jilted him, or they had just parted (unfortunately, much lower numbers of that). His dating record was all of six fucking weeks, dammit. And then, most often, nada. Well, not nada. Having to deal with it, and it wasn't exactly easy, even if he did usually try to laugh it off. Tried to laugh it off a lot. And Tyler helped, always, and Pogue did, and...

And if he screwed up like that with Tyler, he had no idea how he could deal with it. Just the thought about that made his head spin and his hands go cold and he wanted to curl up and make it go away, like, now. And he did it every time, drove everybody away that he was with that way, and he just couldn't bear to lose his best friend.

Not in any way. Not in that way. Not like that

Not ever.

So he was stuck there. Not-loving him. Or something like that.

It was so much easier when he didn't have to be thinking about it, when blue eyes were glaring at him, bright with mirth anyway which was ready to spill all over; or when the familiar body was moving against him, sweaty and strong, ready for other things to spill everywhere...

Or when his... um, his friend was there, holding him and letting him burrow against him, because he did that, and he let him. Things were simpler then.

Reid pulled down the sleeves of the sweater - Tyler's - till they were covering his fingers, then bit at his knuckles, lightly, through the fabric, elbow on his knees, book forgotten beside him.

He just didn't have the right to do things that way, did he.

Good thing Tyler was okay with him the way he was, then. Even with the added antsy.

Right?

Muse: Reid Garwin
Fandom: The Covenant
Word count: 1 025
A/N: Tyler is their_babyboy. The 'verse is Pile of Puppies, timing relevant to confessioncafe. Pogue is lieutenantwitch, Caleb is . Warnings: naughty smutty activities implied; also, Reid's potty mouth.