letsdropin: (It's complicated (cap: Reid))
Reid Garwin ([personal profile] letsdropin) wrote2010-09-03 06:17 pm

[community profile] justprompts: If you were slipped truth serum, what would you be terrified to confess?

4

"Hey, what's the matter? You crying?" They're barely old enough to articulate the phrases correctly; barely old enough to focus enough on each other for it.

And yet, it's hard to ignore when the blue eyes that are usually widely open to explore the world around them are just about swimming with tears, little pink lips determinedly set in a line but quivering a little bit. "No. Of course not."

"Reid..."

"I'm not crying." He rubs determinedly at his eyes and jerks his chin up. "It was just a stupid lollipop anyway."

"What..." The older boy frowns, trying to make sense of that one, when another blond skids beside them.

"Hey, Reid, Reid, my mom got us all lollipops, did you get one?" Tyler is bouncing on his feet, fingers going into his friend sleeve and tugging at him. "They're..."

"I know. I got one."

"Yeah? Where is it?" The youngest one waves his own, triumphantly; Reid presses his knuckles against his lips for a moment before tucking his hand in the crook of the opposite elbow.

"I was running around with it in his mouth." That gets him two confused frowns, almost identical on the different faces. "My mom took it away, because I wouldn't take it out when she told me."

"But... it was your lollipop."

Reid shrugs."'s dangerous, she said."

15

"You can't let her do that to you, man."

"Whatever, let it go, Ty."

"I mean, she can't just... keep running your life. It's not like you even live at home, anymore. You can sign up for that stupid club, no matter what."

"I know. She won't even know."

"Exactly! And I'll totally sign up, too, you know? It's a grand idea, really awesome."

Reid nods, still looking down at the floor. Tyler flops on the bed beside him, nudges him with an elbow, before the older boy does peer sideways at him. "Maybe she's right, you know? I mean, I do sign up because of a girl, not because I want to do that or anything. And you don't have to, I'll..."

"Reid..."

"Yeah, well, she only does it for my sake, you know? That I'll have enough time to do my homework and shit like that."

"You're always up to everything with your schoolwork!"

Another shrug.

It takes a long while for the blue eyes to stop having that wide, fixed look to them, even when they've talked the decision out and moved to different topics.

26

Reid is so pissed off at his mother that it's difficult to believe.

So long as Alya, or sometimes Tyler, isn't around, he's practically hissing when her name is mentioned. Even when they are around, it's difficult to mistake his anger.

And that from somebody who is rarely quite that pissed off, or, well, hasn't much since they Ascended and things evened out a little. Or unevened, but in a way that they could process. And especially rarely since Alya has been in his life.

Except for a couple of very memorable occasions, once known only to her and Chase, and the other somewhat ... better known.

This time it's... in some ways, worse. More.

And definitely more lasting.

He doesn't give it a rest. Not then, with sharp voices echoing off the old, familiar walls, not later, when the time for explanations is over and actions carve away the last pretense of home he's had.

And pieces of his heart that he's not even admitted to himself were tender, bleeding even, but in one piece, get torn finally apart.

But she has gone too far. Allowed damage to be caused to too many (and how many are too many, Reid? Is one? Are five? the snarking voice that startles him at times is merciless) while turning a blind eye. Damage that nothing, not money, nor influence, nor even peace and quiet, whatever the fuck it is that she's always wanted, can never mend. Ever.

Her life gets torn apart by her son.

He tears himself apart because of that only barely less.

***

Reid Garwin is who he is. Son to both his parents, and different from each.

He's sharp, and prickly, and strange, and unpredictable... almost. Brought up by a combination of cold and warmth, of adults and peers.

And if given a truth serum, he might ramble about the things he conceals, from himself or others, with no ill intent, for a long time.

But the one admission that he's terrified of, not guesses or uncertainties or fears; the one knowledge that he'd be afraid of -

Is that after all, after destroying his respect, on every possible level, after making him miserable and insecure and certainly adding to his uncertainty, after silently allowing the lives of so many to be ruined, after all he's done and said and caused...

He still loves his mother.

It would be interesting to see which one he forgives first, perhaps. Her, or himself.